Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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