We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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