you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
