The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
