we have pet lesbian snakes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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