would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
