Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
