You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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