I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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