Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
