I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
