It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
