How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
