She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
