The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize