That's intense
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
