it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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