Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Come see our sink grown plant.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
