oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
