They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
