Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You've changed since you got that strap on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
