nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
