I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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