I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
