My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
