i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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