"it" just moved
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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