i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
