eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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