You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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