Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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