What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
