My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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