so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We are all done wearing pants today
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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