Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
