All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
