Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
