How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
