my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize