I feel like I'm in dance class right now
420 ftw
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
