Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
