You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she looked like the before picture.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
