Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
