He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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