If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
