would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
