"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
