Where did you get a picture of my penis
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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