Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
