What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Reggie can tackle my bush.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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