I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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