Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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