you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
