maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize