He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
