he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
