the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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