as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
