My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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