He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
