I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
