oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
