I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
