Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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