I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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