i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
