I can tuck mytits in my pants
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
