So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
