We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize